Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
