So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
