I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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