How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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