Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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