Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
