I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
