The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
