Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
