There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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