How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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