Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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