Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
