I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
