Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Rumble strips road head = magical
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
