Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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