If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
