I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
