shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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