I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
