I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
NoShamevember. You game?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
