I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dignity is for republicans.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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