Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
