i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
