Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Randomize
