3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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