She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
