I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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