Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
where are you?
Hypothermia
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
