I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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