We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
