Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
