We're like a lot better than the average bears
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
