she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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