Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
