There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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