But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
