I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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