I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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