he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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