Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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