I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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