Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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