i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
