Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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