What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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