i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
