look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
