i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
