Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
