Your tits are I can't wait for
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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