I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
