you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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