I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
