Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
