Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
